Thursday, December 6, 2012

To Be In Their Memories

 Last week I had big plans.  In my head, I had planned exactly how my weekend was going to go.  I was going to accomplish my mile long to-do list that would include reducing the size of my ironing pile to at least being able to see the chair it is currently stacked on, finish my Christmas decorating, work on this homemade Christmas I have placed in front of myself, well, the list went on and on really.  Then, out of the blue, Olivia said, "Mom I really want a one-on-one day with you.  Can we do that?"  I said, "Of course."  Then she said, "This weekend?"  I paused.  

Why did I pause?  Because just one of those things on that list was more important?  Because I just spent night and day giving her my undivided attention the week of Thanksgiving?  No.  Because I was feeling selfish.  I can say that.  I felt it.  I wanted my list done.  I wanted the weight of the world lifted off of me.  I wanted to feel relief when I saw the ironing chair.  I wanted to do for me.  

But I agreed.  Not probably as enthusiastically as I should have.  How must she have felt?  But she didn't let on.  She began preparations immediately and, well, that got me in the spirit.  So much so that I went ahead and planned the same thing for Addison on Saturday.  I even heard myself saying, "Why are you doing this?  Do it another weekend."  I chose to ignore that person.  Because when I thought about, really thought about it...what is this whole season about?  It's about what someone gave, not received.  And here I was not wanting to give up a measly to-do list to spend time with my daughter?  That second day, that was to teach myself.  To show me.  And it did.

It showed me that no matter what is going on in life, during any season, month, or day there is time.  There is always time to spare, give, or exchange with those around you and that you love.  It showed me that the time I shared with Olivia and Addison on those days created memories for all of us.  Memories that can never be taken from us.  It showed me that giving someone the gift of time is the most precious of all gifts.  It shows a full commitment of yourself for them at that given moment in life.  It showed me that my kids want the simplicity of time more then anything else I can give them.  It showed me that my girls need me.  Just me.  No bells.  No whistles.

I have to say, at first, it was hard to not sit in the movie and "run" through my to-do list.  But, I did finally relax and I loved every minute, of every part, of each of those days that I spent with my precious girls.  I would not trade one check mark on my list for one second of our time together.  I will forever be grateful to Olivia for being brave enough to ask for something she wanted and needed from me.  I will be forever grateful that I chose to give to her and not to me, because time = love.  And I love them more then words will ever be able to describe.  And I hope they will know it.

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