So I think back on my life a lot and there were so many things I wished away. I think all of us do that to some degree, in our younger years. We never can really appreciate where we are because we are trying to gain our independence at NASCAR speed. However, there was one thing I did not wish away not one minute of...my first pregnancy. Maybe for all of the reasons you think..like my biggest reason was sleep...I NEED sleep and I knew it was on the brink of disappearing forever! My due date came and went and people were shocked I was not standing over the doctor demanding the baby come out. See, that is the other thing about me. I am timely...on time...don't want to be late and this baby was L.A.T.E.
Olivia made her grand entrance at 4:15 A.M. in October and she was supposed to come in September ;)
I hate to say at this point that I definitely wished some of Olivia's life away. She was my first and I just wanted her to walk to me and talk to me and all of the things parents want to reverse once their kids "do" those things.
Over the last few years though I have not wished one second away because I knew this day was coming. The one where I enter the doors of the elementary school and prove she is 5 and has all of her shots and that I really do live in this district, blah..blah..blah. Well, I started my research several weeks ago and found out that my sign-up time started May 2 and I had a week to do so, with a parent orientation May 5th. Normal Lindsey would have been standing there on Monday morning at 8AM when they opened the doors. But I really can't explain it. My car just could not drive that path until the last night...at the last minute. Yep, I signed her up on the same night as parent orientation.
I walked in and waited, with all of the other wide-eyed parents, in the lobby for
eternity 10 or so minutes until this loud voice announces to follow her to the cafeteria. I don't know what happened to me. I turned the corner and made my first step down this L.O.N.G hall and the flood gates were about to open and I was losing control and what was I going to do? I felt so many emotions. I couldn't believe we were finally at this point. I felt so proud of her, happy for her, excited for her. I knew she was going to love it when she saw it. But I felt sorry for myself, sadness, sort of a mourning feeling because I know. I know this is a door opening in her life that she has to walk through alone and while I can guide her I can't hold her hand everyday and I can't do this for her. I know there is no turning back and that time will be set at warp speed and I will be one of those "old" people telling her, "it seems like just yesterday..."
So, Olivia, I love you and I want the very best for you in everything you do and I will cry and I will seem old and you will roll your eyes at me...and I won't care...because I LOVE YOU and I am so thankful I get to go on this journey with you!