I have been visiting my elliptical pretty regularly without a lot of
results weight loss. And then there is this part of my stomach that I pray for everyday...to go away. And then there are these love handles that I have never had in my life....I pray for those too. So, in addition to all of this praying I do over my fat I decided to enlist Man. Remember, I did discuss this with him and it was #1 on the "This Year" List. Keeping fit is part of Man's job. It's like living with an expert I tell myself. So, I broke down and asked for his help last night. Oh, he was all over this. Kind of like when you really want to say/do something and you won't, but when you are asked you jump on it like white on rice. Yeah, that is kind of how he acted. In the sweetest, kindest way, of course.
So here we are in our bedroom floor. He holds baby and stands over me. Maybe that was his way of not letting me hate every minute of this... Anyway, he tells me we are going to do 5's??? I quickly learn that means 5 push-ups, 5 sit-ups, and 5 squats. I think, "That's it? I am going to transform with just 5?" Then he finishes, "5 times." Oh. So we began with push ups. I am a girl. I do these on my knees...he looks at me like I have lost my mind. When he sees I am for real he agrees. We begin and I slowly bend my arms and come back up. Apparently I am supposed to create at least a 90 degree angle, which he quickly has me show him and quickly fall to the ground. He decides I can progress over time and let's me do them my way.
We move onto sit-ups. Clearly I can do a sit-up. I tuck my little sneakers under the bed and cross my arms over my chest and up, goes 1. Wait, wait, wait. Apparently my fingertips came off of my shoulders. Oh Lord. What have I done. I'll tell you what I did. I hired Drill Sgt. Bouchard apparently.
5 sit-ups later and we are on to squats. Man patiently explains and shows me (with baby in arms) how to do the squat. He says, and I quote, "Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, stick your butt out like you are peeing in the woods, bend your knees, and put your arms like this." I am feeling pretty qualified now. He explained it in girl terms. So, I put my feet shoulder width apart, squat...like I would to pee in the woods, bend my knees and put my arms like he did. And he says, "No, not like that. Put your butt like this." I looked at him and I said, "You are a man, you don't know anything about how a girl would pee in the woods. I am squatting exactly how a girl would for the woods." He looks at me like I just questioned the Drill Sgt. Maybe that is not allowed?
The moral of the story?
Men don't know anything about girls peeing in the woods.
and...I have a long way to go...apparently.