Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Dear Olivia, I have seen you.

For a self-professed Type A, who crumbles inside just thinking of having to ask for help in fear of seeming like I can't "handle" something, there is nothing like having to humble myself before someone, in need of their help.  This applies to everyone in my life, including doctors, friends, even my own parents.  And when my doctor becomes my friend, Lord help me.  We are on death's door before we call on them.  This condition must have a name.  I think I need it to have a name, so I can feel justified in my crazy.  Anyway....  Imagine my complete mortification when I realized, very quickly, that I was going to need help, on the daily, around this place.  And then when I realized it would have to be my nine year old.  The one thing I did not want from this experience was for these girls to have to grow up too fast just for us to survive.  God had other plans.  He was going to teach me, and grow them.  And it was all going to be ok.  I struggled a lot with this.  Especially when I saw Olivia doing things I would never dream of asking her to do.  Guilt.  Lots and lots of guilt.  She took a backseat in so many ways this year.  I thanked her a thousand times over.  Words could never adequately express my deepest appreciation and admiration to her, but I tried.

My Dear Olivia,

      I would never wish what you girls have had to endure this year on anyone.  BUT- in all of the hard moments each of you have grown.  I know that you may feel I don't always "see" you, so I want to assure you I have missed nothing.  I have watched you go from being so worried that we would never make it to having a mindset now that we can do anything.  I have seen all of the moments you so desperately wanted to help.  I have seen, through your determination, you learn to do so many things this year, just to be able to help me.  You have the gift to see what people need emotionally and physically and you act on it.  You truly have a servant's heart.  That will endear you to many people.  You are relentless in helping me keep the house together, answering school questions for Addison, occupying Allye, working hard on your school assignments, being a good friend, working hard at dance, and exemplifying a grateful heart.  You are more than I could have ever hoped for.  You have been a gift to me this year.  You have given everything you could to this family.  You have shown an incredible strength that I didn't know you had.  I have so many wonderful memories with all of you this year.  I will forever be thankful for this time with all of you and what it has taught me.  I hope, when you have hard moments in life, you can look back on this year and remember that anything is possible, it's ok to ask for help, and that there will be bad days....but when storms pass, and they will pass, the sun will SHINE!  I love you and thank you for being by my side this year.  I couldn't have done it without you.

I love you,

(an excerpt from our journal...given to her the night before her daddy came home)

Never stop telling your kids thank you, I love you, I am proud of you, and I see you.

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